


I am you know

by willowrosenburr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, M/M, Pining Castiel, Poet Castiel, Unhappy Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 05:31:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6552931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowrosenburr/pseuds/willowrosenburr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is hopelessly devoted to a boy who's seemed to move on and it's causing problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I am you know

Fergus Crowley pulls Dean into a hug.

"Man, I can't believe you got the tickets to the concert! So pumped!" 

Castiel turns to Anna beside him and begins whispering bitterly, jealousy riddles his body but he has perfected the ability to hide such emotions. 

"He realises Crowley's straight right? He's just going to end up hurting himself." 

Cas wishes he wasn't able to see Dean flirt with Crowley in the window reflection, placing his arm around his shoulder, laughing at every word. 

Cas remembers when he was in that position, the one Dean would talk to for hours, plan a future with, touching Cas and causing electricity to run through him. They were in love. But Cas was far too much in love. 

"I love you" Cas told Dean at a party a few months ago, music blaring. They had been in what Dean referred to as a 'flirtationship' for three months. Cas hated that term, it made it seem so fake, but maybe it was for Dean. Cas thought Dean hadn't heard his proclamation, but on the way out to the car he asked if he meant it. Of course he meant it, he had never been more sure of anything in his life. He loved Dean and everything Dean made him feel. Cas was willing to do anything to be at Dean's side. 

But that night Cas received a message. 

"I don't feel that way anymore, we can still be friends." 

These words struck through Cas like ice, causing vomit to rise in his stomach. Even though he and Dean had never officially been a couple it was like the worst possible break up. Cas sunk into a deep depression which involved being barely able to get out of bed and not wanting to exist. 

But he had to carry on, with Dean not knowing what he had done to Cas they began to reform their friendship. 

Cas tried to move on, fall in love with other people, hell, he even tried online dating. But it was useless. Even speaking to Dean sent him right back to square one. Seeing Dean flirt with other people, so easily moving on killed him. He wanted to die. But more than that he didn't want to exist. He wanted to never have met Dean fucking Winchester. 

Cas lay in bed, unable to get Dean out of his mind. He was certain Dean wasn't thinking about him. Realising trying to sleep was useless, he switched on his lamp and began to write in his tatty notebook, filled with coffee stains and smudged ink. 

 

My dearest, Dean, 

I love you, but you ignore me 

I beg you now, let me implore thee 

Do you ever think upon 

When our love was ever-strong? 

You say you miss me but all I hear 

Is false words falling upon mine ear 

When you said you were forever mine 

Was it a joke, a tongue slip of thine?

I miss you so, I say this true 

I am unable to love anyone the way I love you.

 

Cas rubbed his eyes aggressively, carelessly tossing his book on the floor, where lay weeks worth of clothing. He turned out the light and proceeded to let his mind wander, his imagination conjuring cruel scenes of a happy life with Dean never to happen.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based of a relationship I'm struggling through with the girl who called me the Cas to her Dean. Sorry for the angst but I need to get some of it off my chest.


End file.
